She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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