Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
