Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
