hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
