Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
