ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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