I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
