TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
