youre lurking in front of me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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