The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize