Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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