Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
