Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
