Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
