He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
