oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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