I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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