Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
