I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
