he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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