When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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