Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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