You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
