I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
