so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
