Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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