there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
