That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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