If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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