So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
