His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize