So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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