I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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