i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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