Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
that may or may not have been my penis.
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