We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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