its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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