apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
