i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
