You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
