life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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