just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
