It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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