How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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