Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize