Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
