I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
