Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
