we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
