My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
