I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
