Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
