then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
