Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
