If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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