I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
