Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
