you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
